I think im going to throw up on grandma
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
