no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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