Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
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