Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
