Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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