Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
