You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
