I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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