I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
