I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
