Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
