It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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