Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
