Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
