she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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