Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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