VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
