Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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