I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
