The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i think my mom watched the whole time
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Randomize
