I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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