My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
