Your mouth is God's brothel.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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