I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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