I never want to see another naked old woman again.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
