My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
