Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
