I want to make a zoo with you.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
