i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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