I think I won the penis lottery.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
