She is in my trunk
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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