That's intense
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
