she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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