just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
