im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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