11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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