The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
