He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
