True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
