OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
