If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
When did angry sex become our thing?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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