I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You peed on a flamingo?!?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
