Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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