My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
