This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Panties = found
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
