In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Naked Twister starts at high noon
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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