please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
