i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
