Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
