Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize