Your dad touched me again.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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