So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
