Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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