Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
