Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
