You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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