She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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