Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
home. puking in laundry basket.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
