just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
