Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
