Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
do herpes really smell.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
