His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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