the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
