Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
