literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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