I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
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