Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
