when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
