I love black thongs
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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