the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
