he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
