You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
