i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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