hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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